Why My Dog Is The Worst!


I’m a lover of all things fluffy and living. Reptiles scare the bejeezers out if me however anything with a cute and furry exterior becomes instantly an obsession of mine. Sometimes I could actually cry with how cute and connected I feel to some animals. 
Being a lover of animals I have 13 of them living with me. 2 Dogs, 3 cats, 2 guinea pigs, 5 rabbits and a hamster. All of which have their own unique personalities and I love with all my heart.
There is one out of the bunch that is so stupid, or smart depending on how you look at it that it irritates the life out of me, let me explain why. 
It all started this morning at around 5:45am. Alfie had gone for his morning round, the house was silent at this point, I did wonder why Alfie had walked out of the room so slowly and quietly but due to being half asleep I didn’t really give it another thought, I just assumed that he was on his way to do a sleepy wee. I was then awoken by a loud and very slow crunch. 
“for God sake, Alf has some of the rabbits carrot again.” (Alfie bloody loves carrot!) 
As if it wasn’t irritating enough the sound of the crunching, the fact he slowly crunched down on the object within his nashers made the sound much more grating. I bloody hate the sound of people or animals eating at the best of times, let alone when I’m half asleep. 
It got to 5.57am and he was still, very slowly chomping on what we assumed were carrots. I mean he was eating at a slow pace but Christ Almighty it doesn’t take over 10 minutes to eat some bloody carrot. 
Turned out, Alfie was walking slowly out the room trying not to wake us as he was embarking on a mission to eat Pumpkin’s (the hamsters) Monkey nuts and decided to bring a gob full back to the bedroom and proceeded to eat them very, very slowly, I can only imagine to try not to wake us up. I have never felt more irritated in all my life and I definitely at this point thought Alfie was a little knob. 
Alfie is the only one out of the two dogs that does stuff like this. He will steal a choccy when you’re not looking, he moves so slow to grab the chocolate to make sure you don’t notice and then holds it in his mouth for 5 mins before he suspiciously runs off and goes to bury it in my bed for later, only for me to find it when I hop Into bed. I’m pretty sure he isn’t saving the chocolate for me and it’s more for himself so he can sneakily night eat when mummy and daddy are asleep and are not able to tell him off. 
Not only does this happen but he is the most attention seeking little shit I ever have known, to the point where he makes you feel bad for doing absoloutely nothing at all, stand next to him on the carpet and he yelps like you’ve just stood on his balls and then looks at you as if you’ve just broken his heart  and I honestly do not understand why, step over him to avoid stepping on him and he yelps, making you feel incredibly guilty for not stepping on him. 
He also, when it’s too cold outside for him likes to poop in every. Fucking. Corner. Of the house. I’m not talking about massive dumps either I’m talking about 2 inches of shit everytime, why cant he just sit still and take a dump instead of spreading it out like it’s confetti. 
It’s safe to say me and Alfie are not particularly friends this morning, especially as him and his bark box of a brother have taken it upon themselves to have a barking match with next doors dog at 8am. Isn’t it enough that you woke me up at 5:45 with your poor attempt at stealthy eating Alf, but you have to ensure you keep pissing me off today. 
It’s a good job he’s cute and furry and a pleasure to cuddle otherwise he’d be going to live with one of his grannies. 
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