When I was younger I had pictured my life a lot different to what it is now. Every little girl or boy dreams about growing up to be something extraordinary, like a princess or a superhero. From as early as I can remember I remember wanting to be center of the limelight. A pop star was my ultimate dream as a child. I used to always pretend I was a performer up until around 13 I’m pretty sure. Me and my sister and our friends used to put on concerts and shows where we’d sing in our bedrooms and gardens to millions of imaginary people. We thought we were incredible, however, anyone who ever witnessed it probably thought differently.
I used to vision myself marrying pop stars. All the time my imaginary husband was a pop star, First Gary Barlow then Matt Willis and Lastly it was Alistair Griffin before it sank in that my husband goals were too unrealistic. There was three boys living on my street that fancied me, but nope. I was saving myself for those incredibly talented and oh-so-hot pop stars on the tv that had no idea I existed. It wasn’t until around 14/15 that I came round to the real world when it came to ‘realistic dreams and goals.’
People don’t usually agree with the term ‘realistic goals’ however they most definitely exist. Everyone has a dream that is completely unreachable without a miracle. I mean, you really need to be able to sing to be a pop star and you need to have some class and dignity to be a princess and I’m pretty sure I haven’t got any of them. Which is when I found photography.
There was a small amount of time where I dreamt of becoming a lawyer (another pretty common theme within young dreams) honestly I’m not sure why I liked this idea, I think it was more to do with the fact that tv shows and movies portrayed the lawyer lifestyle to be so fancy and victorious. It wasn’t until someone said to me one day ”what if you have to be a lawyer for a murderer or something?” that I realized I had no idea what being a lawyer even meant.
Relationships & Family
Like any young and in love person, I was certain that my first love would be my love forever. It’s how we see it in the movies and how we are brainwashed to believe that’s the way it should be. (No offense to the people still with their childhood sweethearts, you guys are clearly rocking it, well done!). Marrying your childhood sweetheart is a thing of the past. Sure it still happens but people have changed a considerable amount when it comes to commitment and forming relationships. My first relationship didn’t last. Whilst I was absolutely heartbroken at the time and it sent me on a massive downwards whirlwind of darkness, I recovered and spent about 5 years on my own trying to work out what the hell was I doing with my life.
I’d always promised I would never have a child until I was 25 years old. (I kept that promise – HEY 25 and no babies!). I thought I’d be more than ready for children by the age of 25 but honestly, I’m far from ready. I’d honestly never actually given a thought about who I’d be married to when I have children. I certainly don’t want children before marriage; However, that might change.
I do however, have a ton of furbabies that have lit my life up in so many ways. Animals are seriously the best!
Home, just like everyone else will always be where their momma is. I’d never even given a thought to where or who I’d be living with when I came to the grand old age of 25. I always expected to be living with my mum, I couldn’t imagine my life without her being in the next room. Now I live 16 miles away from her.
Thinking back, I never imagined myself being pretty enough for a boy to want to be with. I always thought I’d be a lonely virgin forever. Which is really sad when you think about that and it’s even sadder to think that I probably wasn’t and still not the only one to think those kinds of thoughts back then and today. I was a shy, lonely and very depressed young lady at times, I hit some very, very dark places. It’s scary to think that at the time I thought it was completely normal. Now, having fully found myself and it’s only taken 5 years of me pushing myself to my limits and experiencing really difficult moments within this time that I’ve realized that I’m not ‘ugly’ or ‘unloveable’. I’m not destined to be a ‘dole dosser’ that everybody thought. When people think things about you, you tend to think them about yourself. I now (almost) have a degree, (the first one in my family to get one) and am the happiest I’ve been in my mind for a very long time.