Coping with divorce can be hard.
I’ve only ever experienced divorce from second person view, never have I actually been through a divorce myself so I couldn’t possibly know the emotional struggles of the couples involved. My parent’s divorced when I was 8 years old following on from that my mum has been through a second divorce and is currently separated from her current husband.
I have a lot of things regarding divorce that I would like to talk about, the main one being that there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to how many times you have been married or divorced. I know for a fact my mother feels uncomfortable, potentially embarrassed and maybe ashamed of herself that she has had 3 failed marriages in her life so far and has potentially closed her mind to the concept of ever being married again and that is honestly such a shame.
Society, being the way it is today should be much more open and less judgemental on the concept of multiple marriages. In no way shape or form should people feel they have a right to have an opinion on a number of times somebody has been married and in no way shape or form should a person be ashamed of how many people they have been married to or divorced from? Anyone who has been in love will understand me when I say that even when you love someone sometimes, things just do not work, and no matter how much you love said person, you have to let them go for whatever reasons may be.
A number of times one person has been married does not define a person and if it were to, it only defines them in the sense that they love and may carry their heart on their sleeve.
I think it is important to also important to mention children. Most people think that children are affected quite negatively when it comes to divorce, I disagree with this statement. It is not divorce that effects the children, it is, in fact, the parents and the way in which they react to a separation. My parents were amicable for most of the time throughout their divorce and therefore, having to be a child that has experienced the divorce of her parents I feel as though I was not affected by their divorce at all, I was more affected by their conflicts with each other. My younger brother, from my mum’s second marriage, also was not affected by his parent’s divorce, because they were completely amicable when it came to making decisions and arrangements for him to see his father.
My younger brother from my mums 3rd marriage probably still doesn’t understand what is going on, or why his daddy isn’t around; this won’t harm him in my opinion, what will completely be more damaging, He doesn’t understand why his daddy won’t speak to him, regardless of his mummy trying to contact his daddy so he can speak to him. This is a perfect example of the divorce not affecting the child, but the parent. The way in which the parents both choose to handle the divorce is what solely makes divorces easy on children or not easy on children. Children should not have to suffer down to their parents separating and both parents should be willing to be amicable for the sake of their child, would you not agree? At the end of the day is anyone really that selfish that they put their own happiness before their own children? Maybe so.
Parents are the reason divorces can be hard for children and it’s the behaviour of the parents that affect the children, not the divorce.
I know my mum would be completely happy not speaking to her ex-partners and visa versa but when there are children involved the way in which you handle situations.
I’ve used my mum as an example for this post because I find her thoughts on herself and current/past situations very upsetting. I don’t want my mum to think that she is a bad wife, ugly or whatever other negative things she feels about herself. I personally find her very inspiring that she’s made it through 3 marriages, produced some beautiful kiddies and blessed me with some amazing brothers and sisters and has just enrolled at college, doing something she’s wanted to do for such a long time despite the fact she is disabled and in pain all of the time.
She’s been knocked down so many times before by people judging her for negative reasons that are inevitable and not her fault but when you seriously list the positives in her life shes a fucking strong woman and I hope to be half as strong as her in the future.
I shall end on this;
Marry as many times as you bloody want. Don’t let others judgments on marriage or divorce cloud the way you live your life. If you marry somebody great, if you don’t, fine. Do what inevitably makes YOU happy.ivo
rce in a couple of years fine, if you do this 10x over that’s completely OK, we are after all in the 21st century now.